Sunday, February 26, 2012

the "weight" of the world

(Example of my "FACE" hides a multitude of sins.)

So, now I'm really getting real. One of the not great parts about having Lyme disease/stress/not sleeping is that my body has revolted against me. And, that means I have gained an absurd amount of weight in the last few years. For those of you that have seen me, you know. For those of you that haven't, just know you ONLY see my face in pictures (and that is rare). My body is sick. And when you stay up until 4-6 a.m. every single get hungry at 2 in the morning. My sweet husband has some kind of crazy metabolism (given to him by his dad) and has not gained one single pound since we got married. Hip hip hooray!! Me on the other hand...different story. I feel like you can look at me and see the nights of stress all over my body and face. I'm not asking for words like..."oh Lindsey, you're still pretty" or "what a beautiful face (code for you would look pretty if you lost weight)". I have focused most all of my attention on my precious E...but I have let myself down in the process. I am sick. My body is sick. My body hurts. My body keeps gaining weight. It's hard to walk. It's hard to leave the house. And, this is so not me. I feel like I'm stuck in another body. The crazy thing is that I know what I need to do. But, I can't get to the grocery store and cooking is the last thing on earth I feel like doing with this kind of pain and fatigue. So, I give up. Most every single night, I have crazy heart palpitations (just another symptom of lyme). Some nights I tell Chris just so he knows what's going on if I pass out. But, most days and nights, I just try to be tough and try not to think about the pain.

I want to be healthy...I just feel stuck. I want to be the best version of me for me and for my family...and it's going to require supernatural energy (because I do not have it). Please pray for me in the next few weeks. My pain is so intense, I can't ignore this anymore. I'm pretty sure "juicing" is in my future. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement...we couldn't do this without ya'll. Lord, help me.


Brittany said...

I'm praying for you... I just wanted to let you know, I think you're amazing! Seriously. I've read your blog since before you went to Guat to foster E & on more than one occasion I'm pretty sure I've talked about you in conversation like we're IRL friends, tee hee! I'm actually friends/ex-coworkers with Melodie S.

Anyways, I always look forward to your posts & wanted you to know my heart literally aches for the trials y'all are going thru. And, my dad juiced while on chemo & swore by it - said it helped his energy level & overall feeling... Hope it helps!

Chrissy said...

I know how you feel! All of my energy has gone to caring for my children and taking care of myself is last place. And oreos are really tempting at 3 am. I pray for you guys while I'm up with my small ones.

Rebekah said...

Lindsey, I don't know you, but I wanted you to know that I just offered up a prayer for you and your family tonight. Thanks for sharing your heart, it is certainly an encouragment to others.

begutierrez said...

Hi Lindsey, this is Bertha. Long time no talk (or comment, I should say)
I am praying for you and your family. I'm praying for E and all the challenges.

I read this entry and from the first time you mentioned "tired" i was going to recommend juicing. And you mentioned it at the end. It will help you lose weight, but the most amazing part is that it will give you SO much energy. I did

Take care, lady.

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