Tuesday, May 13, 2014

deep, dark waters

It's been 2 months since I started Bottle of Tears.  I wish I could read every story to you or share the emails I have gotten from people all over the country that have received a bottle from a friend.  They would make you want to lay on the floor and weep.  And, so many times I do.  I feel like God is allowing me to be a part of these precious stories...these lives that are hurting and grieving.  I am overwhelmed by the privilege I have of entering into their pain.  I get to pray over these stories...for the people that are blessing their friends with bottles.  And, I'm doing it at a time in my life where I feel more broken than I have ever felt in my life.  My body hurts, the Lyme feels like it is trying to break me, I rarely sleep, and I'm desperate for my next breath.  Doesn't that sound like a good time to start a ministry?!  God's timing is pretty much never my timing.  But, y'all...it is so beautiful.  God knew I needed these stories.  He knew I needed to step outside of my circumstances and truly live life (whether I'm stuck in my house or not).  The last few years have been years of survival for me.  I think I just kept waiting to get "better" before I stepped out in faith to REALLY love others.  What I'm quickly realizing is that there is SO much life to be had EVEN in the midst of the darkest days.  If my life was easy and carefree, I wouldn't have started a ministry to the broken.  I more than likely would be caught up in trying to create a "perfect" American life for my little family.  God wants to use the broken pieces of my life right now...not years from now.  So, tonight I'm thankful.  Thankful that these tiny, vintage bottles are so much more than bottles...they are hope for all of us...that God hasn't and won't ever abandon us.  He loves us far more than we could even understand.  He loves the momma that just lost her baby.  He loves the family that is grieving a devastating accident.  He loves the dad dying of cancer.  He loves the little boy that may not live to see another day.  He loves the teenager that feels unworthy of living.  I don't understand the "whys" in so many of these stories and I'm pretty sure I won't until I get to heaven.  But, I am trusting God at His word...that He sees and cares about every single tear we cry.  Y'all, I am the farthest person from having things figured out or having it together.  But, the one thing I know is that I want to spend the time left I have on this earth loving others right where they are at.  Love you all.


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