Thursday, June 14, 2012

an onion on steroids

My close friends and family know how much I despise onions.  I have tried to like them.  People will tell me, "you can't even taste is finely chopped up."  Um, yes...I can taste it.  There is something about an onion that terrifies me.  I have no idea what it is.  I have always said that the worst punishment someone could give me would be to eat an entire one.  I know this sounds dramatic, but I can gag just thinking about them.  But, I feel like my new experience at the detox clinic can most be represented by this food I detest so much.  We are trying to get to the heart of the root issues of my health problems.  This week a few layers of the onion have been peeled back.   

On Monday, I went to the new detox clinic (not the kind of detox you are thinking).  There is so much that went on.  I was there 7.5 hours...a new record for my Lyme appointments.  The staff was unbelievable.  I immediately connected with each of them, especially the head of the clinic.  This is going to sound absolutely insane, but about 2 minutes into talking to me...she had a word from God to give to me.  I think I can count on 2 fingers how many times someone has had a "word" from the Lord to me.  But, this was crazy.  She spoke into places of my life that she had no idea were going on.  She also shared that this does not happen often.  I just kind of sat there stunned.  I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  One layer of the "onion" had been peeled back immediately. 

The next few hours were filled with really amazing nurses coming in and out of the room making sure that my IV was okay (my first experience with IV therapy)...and to hand me a lot of different concoctions.  I gagged a few of them down.  Each time I swallowed, I would try to thank God that this nastiness is what He is using to make me better.  I've been reading 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp...and the timing couldn't be more perfect.  There is going to be a lot of pain in this experience, but the more pain the means it is killing this awful disease and a few other things as well.  They found out that I am also suffering with 2 co-infections of Lyme and another virus that is very similar to Mono.  Plus, my heart has been suffering too.  I had been experiencing crazy heart palpitations periodically, so it was so good to know that they are going to be targeting all of this.  They want to create balance in my body by ridding me of the diseases, virus, parasite, and other toxicities.  They actually create formulas for each person individually.  The girl told me mine was one of the worst concoctions she has mixed up in a long time.  I told my mom today that it is like "an onion on steroids."  It takes every bit of mental focus and tons of prayer to swallow all of it twice a day without throwing it back up.  You can smell it a mile away.  I promise...I'm not making this up. I can't believe there is something worse to swallow than an onion. Again, we are getting to the root of my issues. 

Did I say this was going to be painful?!  Today, I am hurting...every inch of my arms and legs.  But, thank you Lord that I have arms and legs...and that this pain means that the medicine is working.  I was reminded over and over again in the clinic that this is a LONG process...I will not feel better overnight.  People fly from all over the country to come to this clinic and it's 15 minutes from me.  I'm so thankful.  Please be praying for me as I begin this new part of my journey.  I am going to need crazy strength, patience with sweet Eliana, focus and rest. Also, thank you for all that gave on our "Give 20" campaign...I am still blown away.  Please be praying for more miracles in provision because these treatments are unbelievably costly.  But, it is to get my life back!!   Love you all...know that I am still praying after midnight.  Also, I will be spending hours each week at the clinic and would love to keep praying for y'all, so send me any requests. 


Monday, June 4, 2012

after the wedding dance

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief."  
Proverbs 14:13

 I'm pretty sure we had one of the most precious moments with our daughter ever tonight.  All afternoon, she pranced around our house in a pretend wedding dress that our neighbor gave us.  She loved talking about Gran-D's wedding (my grandmother that got married last week)...and then started talking about wanting to dance with Dada.  She was so excited to wait on the driveway for Chris to get home.  The second he drove up, she ran to him in her little wedding dress and asked him to put on his wedding suit and dance with her.  If you know Chris, you know that he jumped at the opportunity (his suit has been worn less than 10 times and he loves his baby girl).  He dressed up...she grabbed some fake flowers and stuffed them in his coat pocket like a boutonniere...and headed to the backyard.  I turned on music and they danced.  All I could think about was how amazingly blessed she is to have Chris as her daddy.  No one but me knows how much he sacrifices and gives to us on a daily basis.  Ya'll would be blown away.  He loves her with a crazy, fierce love and would do anything for her.  He is what a daddy is supposed to be like.  

But, like most of our precious Eliana's days...her little brain went into a panic mode about 15 minutes after this special moment.  We aren't really even sure what started it...we hardly ever do.  You should just know that she lost it in every sense of the word.  The intense rages have been coming back...and it is not her fault.  Something isn't clicking right in her brain or her meds are wearing off too soon.  I can't explain the helplessness we feel when she is this out of control.  Tonight, we have been desperate for the Lord to heal her little body.  Emails have been sent to the doctor...and prayers have been said.  Chris and I just stared at each other, and all I could do was repeat this verse out loud.  I may be declaring it our theme verse for our family.  "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief."  This is our life right now.  There are moments we laugh our heads off at our funny girl, and there are moments I am crying hysterically in bed over my chronic illness.  There are days we can all do something together as a family with no anxiety...and then there are days she only can handle being around one of us.  There are moments I can get the energy up to go to Target...and then there are days I can't get out of bed.  I am so thankful for this glimpse of our precious girl tonight, but I ache over wanting her to feel whole.  I know the Lord knows it all...and that brings a lot of peace tonight.  Love you friends. 

happy birthday bulldog

For those of you that don't know...this is General Bulldog (his preferred name).  He is Chris's older brother and my sweet brother-in-law (even though I just call him brother).  He is one of the most hilarious, real, Jesus-loving, game-playing, black/white seeing people I know...and I love him with all of my heart!!  There is no one that loves Connect 4 more...and he beats most everyone he plays.  Not a day goes by that we don't wish we lived closer to him. We are so thankful for John Jr...who is 44 years old today!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY BULLDOG!  We love you so much and are so thankful for your life!

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