Tuesday, January 31, 2012

follow the yellow brick road

There are so many different paths on this journey and each one looks like it has potential for good. We have tried hard not to get our hopes up about a "new" or "special" cure-all for both Eliana and me. There have been numerous times when a doctor would look at us and tell us that "this" should do the trick. Then, I will hesitantly ask if there are any side effects. They list a few very, very rare side effects and immediately I tell them, "oh, well then that will happen to us." I know that is super pessimistic of me, and I am trying to work on it. But, more often than not, it's true. I know a lot of people think they have the answer, but I am learning that truly ONLY God knows. He knows the path. How many times (before 2004) had I read Jeremiah 29:11 and just smiled thinking that God's plans equal prosperity and rainbows. Silly me...I am learning that His plans will prosper me (not in a United States of America mentality...but in a His thoughts are not my thoughts type of prosperity). My hope and future might not look like a white, picket fence, drive a suburban and have game night every Friday night kind of life. And, I am learning that that's okay. There are moments of grief...there are moments of wanting to pull my hair out or run away...but, I have always prayed that my life would be different. I don't want to settle for what the world tells me is a "good" future. I want God's best. And I'm praying that for each of you.


Anonymous said...

You put into words exactly how I feel. It has been a hard couple of weeks for us. L. has regressed. Sometimes I feel like I am grasping for straws trying to find someone to help me figure him out. It is emotionally draining. I appreciate the reminder that ONLY God knows. I need this reminder often over the course of my day. :0) I know He is not surprised by all that is happening to us. Praying for peace for you as you walk this journey.

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