hope

Here are a few things I know about hope.  The dictionary says hope means to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.  Hope is Eliana's middle name...Eliana Hope Wheeler.  To hope against hope means to hope without any basis for expecting fulfillment (a lot of what I'm doing now).  Hope is something I am trying not to lose on a daily basis.  Hope is engraved on a lot of my jewelry.  I'm finding that with hope comes peace...and without hope, life is chaotic.  So, why is it so difficult to remember this? What if my circumstances don't change drastically...I'm not promised an easy life.  This morning I woke up and specifically started praying for the Lord to give me peace and hope.  I knew I would have to repeat this prayer over and over throughout the day.  About three huge rages/panic attacks later plus a hard conversation with Chris about E's progress/future plans and I'm left in a mess again.  Thank the Lord for His grace that covers my doubting heart.  We are battling for our daughter's health and peace...and we are begging God for healing of my disease.  I've never been so aware of my weakness and frailty.  I am nothing.  I can't magically make this all better.  No one can fix us. I know people want to feel like they can.  No change of my diet, or new exercise routine, or new special brain book for Eliana will bring the Hope I need...only Jesus.  Only Him...do I believe that??  I'm trying to friends.  

Love y'all,
Lindsey