purpose

If I had a nickel for every single time I've prayed..."Lord, save me" or "Lord, have mercy", I could probably buy a new car. I don't think those prayers are wrong, but my mindset is changing. Maybe instead of begging God for relief and safety, I should be praying to be used in this dark season. Just the sound of that is more hopeful. Does it mean I won't call my mom and sisters bawling my eyes out? No. I assure you that will happen. Does it mean that this season will be short? No. Pretty sure our "dark season" has lasted quite a few seasons/years. But, it does mean this season has purpose. This is a journey that I didn't quite know was coming but that I am not going to give up on. Here is a blog that my mom showed me the other day...and I can't stop thinking about it. She is my hero, whoever she is.

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"By this past Saturday night, I was hanging on for dear life! I hadn’t eaten or slept a whole lot, and my already-sore wrists and lower back ached all the more. I joked, “I’ll rest when I get to Heaven.”

I kept thinking of Jesus’ words, “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour?’ But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name.”

I had to look it up and see the context, and was greatly fortified in my soul.

“Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, let him follow me; and where I am, there my servant will be also. If anyone serves me, him my Father will honor.”

And it struck me–

This week is why many people don’t want a child with special needs. This is what they’re afraid of!

This non-optional sacrifice right at the very core of life. The painful giving up of self, over and over again. The self that is still alive and active, believe me!

We know He doesn’t shower us with resources to ensure that we would never feel uncomfortable again. So now I am feeling uncomfortable! Will I now ask, “Father, save me from this hour?”

For this purpose I came to this hour, to pour out the strength of my life to the weak and needy, like Jesus continually does for me! This opportunity to fall into the ground and die is what the whole of my life until now has been crafted for!"

(from the blog www.theblessingofverity.com)