ya'll just keep loving us

Friends, I am so overwhelmed by your response to Chris's post.  Thank you for sharing and spreading the word...thank you for your words of encouragement.  Thank you for loving us...even those of you that just "met" us on the blog yesterday.  We are beyond grateful and completely humbled. It has been such an incredibly hard week.  There are times I am just willing myself and begging God for my next breath.  There are moments I have thought "I'm not going to make it" and then there are glimmers of God's glory...of His hope.  And ya'll are giving that to me this week.  Jesus is using you to bring life into these painful days.  It all feels so overwhelming and lonely at times...who do we focus on now?!  Do we focus on my treatments/protocols for my Lyme disease or do we focus on our precious girl that is seriously trapped in fear and trauma??  Both take a lot of diligence and discipline. One of these things would be difficult, but both of them together can make me feel like I'm being crushed.  In those moments where Chris and I feel like "WHERE ARE YOU GOD"..."HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT US"...He inevitably sends something or someone to remind us of His great love for us.  He sees every single tear I cry and loves me in my brokenness.  Our sweet friend Stephanie made this print of our family's verse.  And it brings so much hope...because even in the darkness, I know that darkness hasn't won.  There is meaning in our pain.  And JOY will come in the morning!!

Love you all so much...my heart is so full tonight.
Lindsey

P.S.  Thank you for sending me emails.  It might take awhile, but I will respond!!  Also, we are already at 15% of our goal for GiveForward!!!  SO HUGE!!

Click here if you want to give:  
https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/g824/lindsey-and-eliana-keep-fighting

let's help my girls heal

Lindsey and I just celebrated our 10 year anniversary! We can hardly believe we’ve already had the privilege of a full decade of life together. I can honestly say we are more in love now than ever and are growing closer every day. Lindsey is my best friend. I would truly rather be with her doing nothing than be with anyone else doing anything! God has blessed Lindsey and I with our 6 year old daughter, Eliana who is the most precious little thing on the planet.

Each and every day I find myself marveling at the pure grace of God displayed in Lindsey’s life. Lindsey is the epitome of compassion. Lindsey cares for and truly loves others in ways that can only be explained as “Christ like.” The crazy part is that Lindsey is in constant pain and exhaustion as her body is plagued by Lyme disease and multiple co-infections. This invisible sickness is brutal. Lindsey has arthritic like pain that migrates throughout her entire body. She has shooting pains followed by numbness. On top of that Lyme disease prevents her from getting restful sleep. The discomfort keeps her awake and even if she sleeps for 10 hours she still wakes up feeling like she just pulled an all-nighter in college.  I have no idea how but despite the agony Lindsey doesn’t complain or whine...she just hopes. She has been to 5 different doctors and hasn't given up.  I don't know how she does it.  Despite feeling trapped in a tortured body, Lindsey is so kind to Eliana and me. Lindsey is the best Momma - constantly pushing through the pain to engage in playful connectivity with Eliana.

As many of you know our precious daughter Eliana battles an internal emotional war called “trauma.”  If you’ve ever met E then you know her little heart is so sweet and kind and gentle (and she's hilarious). In the midst of her tenderness, Eliana is very fragile. Eliana lives in near constant fear of the rapid paced world around her. To say that she battles anxiety feels like a gross understatement. Making it through each day of Kindergarten is a major triumph for our baby girl! I am happy to report though that for the first time in her life Eliana is now sleeping at night! For the first 5 1/2 years of life, Eliana’s trauma kept her awake until crazy late every night. There were many all-nighters when the hurt in her heart robbed her of any rest at all. Now for the past 3 months she has actually been falling asleep and sleeping through the night. We are breathlessly thankful each and every time we see her drift off into slumber.

As you might imagine providing care for Lindsey and Eliana takes everything we’ve got! Though we pretty much feel overwhelmed every night, we are committed to walking down the road toward healing for both Lindsey and Eliana no matter how long or costly it may be. Though I am a speaker, lately I have really tried to limit the number of additional speaking engagements I take on so that I can be home and available to care for my family! That being said, we really need help financially. Every single treatment that Lindsey undergoes is not covered by insurance and the same goes for Eliana's therapy.

We decided to create another Give Forward page to invite folks to join us in our journey. We know we’re not alone. God has always provided for our every need through people just like you. We are inviting you to be a part of God’s answer to our prayers! Thank you for being willing to step up and help. We are so incredibly thankful to all of the many folks who have supported us along this path! I wait in hopeful expectation for the day when both of my girls are healthy and whole!

Grace and Peace,

Chris Wheeler

(Lyme husband and trauma dad)!

CLICK THE LINK BELOW IF YOU WANT TO HELP:

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/g824/lindsey-and-eliana-keep-fighting

IF: My Bed

It's been a while friends.  My little family and I have walked through some incredible highs and lows since my last post...which was about forever ago.  I think (without knowing it), I've tried to hold a lot of junk in over the last few months.  I can't pinpoint it.  Maybe it's because I fear that people are just plain sick of me being sick. I'm afraid I would be sick of me.  It's hard to tell and re-tell my story and the ending still be the same.  "Hi, I'm Lindsey.  I still feel awful.  I still beg God for healing every single day.  I'm afraid I'm stuck with this dang disease for the rest of my days."  I'm asking God for the NEXT RIGHT STEP.  It's no fun to share that you are on your 5th doctor to try and figure out how to fix the endless issues going on in your body.  It's exhausting to just put one foot in front of the other.  But, ya'll...I have (by God's grace) put one foot in front of the other.  And guess what, He has given me another day to breathe and live.  Each day is a gift.  Let me be honest.  That is a tough thing to say sometimes.  But, I keep repeating it (even out loud to myself sometimes like a crazy person) over and over begging God for me to believe.  To believe He is good and loves me and hasn't abandoned me.  And HE NEVER WILL. 

This past weekend thousands of girls from all over the world met in Austin, Texas for the IF:Gathering, dreamed and created by one of my friends Jennie Allen (my bff's sister).  IT WAS AMAZING!  There were two groups.  IF:Gathering in Austin and IF:Local (groups all around the country meeting together watching the live event).  Because of the fact I barely leave my house, I didn't fit into either one of these groups. So, I laughed (to myself again) that I was having IF: My Bed.  And, I did.  And God met me in my room on my bed.  I didn't realize how much I needed to dream again.  To believe that God is not through with me yet.  I sang...I took notes...I laughed...I cried...and I dreamed.  I found myself asking two different questions to God.  The first was even if I still feel the exact same way the rest of my life, will I jump back in this race?!  Will I do whatever it takes to LOVE Jesus and LOVE others?  The next thing was less of a question and more of a "RESCUE ME Jesus" in a way I haven't cried out before.  It was emotionally cleansing for me to cry and grieve over the years I've felt held captive by this disease and Eliana's trauma.  I have cried and prayed and begged God for MORE. 

One thing I can do from bed is pray...and that was the entire reason I started this blog in the first place.  Madrugada means "after midnight" because I never used to sleep because of E's trauma.  Then, I didn't sleep because of my Lyme.  And instead of being angry and bitter over my sleepless nights, I felt like I needed to pray for y'all.  I did and I won't quit.  Since the IF: My Bed conference, I have felt such a HEAVY burden to pray for the other women around the country stuck in their beds...left alone in their hospital rooms...women devastated by loss...families hanging on for dear life with an adopted child that rages and has mood disorders and won't be okay if you leave them...women struggling with deep, dark depression that feel like the cloud will never lift.  I wanted ya'll to know tonight that you aren't alone.  God loves you...HE SEES YOU!  That's what I keep hearing Him whisper to me in my pain and sleepless nights.  He is proud of you.  Don't give up! 

Our tears matter to God.  I love that.  "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."  Psalm 56:8 

Love you,
Lindsey

P.S.  Keep the prayer requests coming!  And check out IF:Gathering...you can buy the digital downloads to hear all of the incredible speakers and stories.  Life changing!!