Thank You Anonymous!!!

TODAY GOD GAVE ME A CAR THROUGH YOU!!!THANK YOU!!!
Since I can't thank you in person here is a note to express my deep gratitude and to tell the world what God did today through YOU!

Today you Mr. and/or Mrs. Anonymous gave me a 2002 Honda CRV!

Thank you for being so faithful! Thank you for trusting God and investing your money in my family! You could have done so many other things with that money but you got us a car! Thank you for being obedient! Thank you for this incredible gift! Thank you for getting me a cool car!

Here is just a short list of the things I love about my new car! I love that it has air conditioning (for 3 yrs I've been driving without A/C or heat), I love that it has a sun roof, I love that it is all wheel drive, I love that it has a CARD TABLE that pops out of the cargo bay, I love the color green, I love the khaki interior, I love that it has 100 different compartments for me to stash all my gear, I love that it has 4 brand new tires, I love that it has a new battery, I love that it only has 54K miles, I love how it handles, I love that my wife feels safe in it (and it will be a safe car for her to drive to her Atlanta doctor appts), I love the orange glow of the dash, I love how bright the headlights are, I love the little table that pops up between the front two seats, I love that it has three cup holders in the front, I love how many interior dome lights it has, I love how good the speakers sound (my old ones only crackled), I love that it is such a tangible reminder of God's love and grace towards us!

As if the car wasn't enough you also put a gift basket in the front seat full of individually gift wrapped gift cards to: REI, Whole Foods, Target, Starbucks, Sonic, iTunes and Restaurants. Plus you put a giant bag of our favorite popcorn in there and a sweet typed letter! Thank You! God is so good! God gives such incredible gifts

I will never forget this day. Here's how it went on my end of the story. I walked out of a late lunch meeting with my friend Jeff at Oscar's Taco Shop (delish) and received a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. I answered, though ordinarily I'd let it go to voice mail.  The man on the other end introduced himself as Q (true) and said he was with Daryl Waltrip Pre-Owned vehicles and he had my car ready. I said, "um I don't have a car there." The man said, "No someone is giving you a car. It's all been paid for - tag, tax and title included. All you need to do is come pick it up." My heart was racing.  My mind was racing. I kept feeling like this was some kind of sales technique like when you "win" a free vacation. The man could tell I wasn't convinced so he said, "If I'm kidding then I'll refill your gas tank for going to the trouble of driving down here." I said, "okay I'll be there at 4:30". I drove to our house with my mouth open. As I drove I prayed out loud, "Jesus...what are you doing?"  Eliana was at a baby sitter's and Lindsey was resting. I walked in our bedroom - woke Lindsey up and said, "Lindsey wake up. I have something to tell you. It's good news. Someone has given us a Honda CRV and we need to go pick it up!" 

Going to pick up our new car was the longest drive ever!  Lindsey and I were chatting nonstop wondering what in the world was going on. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as we pulled into the lot. The salesmen at the Honda dealership seemed to be as amazed as we were. They had never heard of such a thing. They told me that you wanted to remain anonymous which just mde the whole thing feel that much more dramatic and exciting! It felt like we were on TV. One guy even got on the intercom and joked, "Ashton Kutcher you can come out now...you've been punked!" Which is what it felt like - as if cameras were on us and someone would rush out any minute and yell it's not real, but the crazy thing is - it is real! We were given a car today!!! By the way - you were very sneaky because your name didn't appear on ANY of the paper work anywhere! I have no idea how you managed all of this!

I called my Dad to tell him the good news and he hardly even seem surprised (though he didn't know anything about today's gift).  Dad said, "well that's exactly what we've been praying for!" I love my parent's faith! They both were just sure that God was going to provide us a vehicle! God hears our prayers all right - and takes really good care of his kids!

Tonight all three of us (Lindsey, Eliana and I) piled in our new CRV for Eliana's night night drive. As we drove Lindsey and I just marveled at God's provision. I just finished moving all my gear from my old jeep to the new car and I'm still just stunned.

From now on - anytime you see a green Honda CRV let it remind you that God is faithful. If you happen to pass me on the road be sure to honk!

Grace and Peace,
Chris Wheeler
Proud owner of a 2002 Honda CRV!

PS Eliana loves the CRV and wants to eat all of our meals off of the card table in the back!

family sticks together

Yesterday was a big day for our precious girl...it was kindergarten preview day!  This is a day that I have pretty much looked forward to and dreaded all at the same time.  I can't believe Eliana is old enough for kindergarten.  I feel like it was just yesterday when we stepped off of the airplane from Guatemala holding her in our arms...our little forever family finally together in the U.S.  So much has happened since bringing her home.  We've had extreme highs and extreme lows...but our love has never wavered.  She is our gift from God.  Her name means "God answered our prayers" and He did.  I could not have birthed a child more perfect for us.  I truly believe that. 

After preview day, we had an incident that will forever be ingrained in my memory.  Eliana was exhausted beyond belief and full of anxiety from her big morning in a new school surrounded by tons of faces.  Sweet girl went to the bathroom four times in two hours....four.  On the outside she looked like all of the other kindergartners, but on the inside I knew she was struggling...full of questions and worry.  A few hours after we left, I ran her to the UPS store to mail something to a friend.  She seemed fine.  Then, just like a flip of a light switch...she was not fine.  We had walked to the car and I turned around and she was GONE.  Seriously, two seconds.  I looked frantically and saw her through the windows of the dry cleaners next to UPS.  So, I take off running (this is not abnormal...I chase her everywhere).  I walk in and in a calm voice tell the lady behind the counter that I am so sorry.  She barely spoke English which just made everything worse.  Eliana was already in the back of the dry cleaners...losing her mind.  This is not a tantrum that "normal" five year olds have...this is a child experiencing an intense panic attack.  I ran in the back and things went from bad to worse in a few short minutes.  She was weaving in and out of the racks of freshly cleaned clothes...I'm praying nothing would get ruined or broken.  Her panic turned to rage and lasted more than 15 minutes in front of a woman that did not have a clue what was going on.  I remained calm and tried every Karyn Purvis trick in the book....EVERY SINGLE ONE!  If you have not parented a "trauma" child...this might not make sense.  You can't grab your child and walk out.  If I grabbed her, all hell would break loose.  I just kept calmly telling Eliana "you are safe"..."let's go pick up daddy"..."I love you"..."I'm so sorry you're anxious" over and over.  The lady is looking at me like I am a child abuser.  A lot more happened, but you get the idea. 

Then, the lady says, "ma'am, your car is getting wet."  I look out the window and realized when I took off running after Eliana, I left my car door open.  And much to my surprise (and the lady), the sprinkler system went on ALL inside my car.  I am literally watching 3 different sprinklers spraying inside my car and I can't do anything about it.  Honestly, I think I might have laughed at this point.  So, I am telling Eliana that we need to go close the doors, our car is getting soaked, etc...that didn't help.  So, after a long while...I get her to the front of the store.  And, finally I am luring her to the car with promises that we need to get some food or a treat.  Things didn't get better in the car.  She lost it on a whole new level.  I want to protect her and not share details...but it was pretty horrific.  I was begging God to bring peace, trying my best not to cry or scream or lose it.  Finally, my sweet girl became exhausted.

The next thing that happened broke my heart into a thousand pieces.  I looked in the back seat and she is curled up in a ball crying her eyes out.  I just kept repeating..."It's safe baby"..."no one is going to get you"..."I'm not going anywhere."  She looked at me sobbing and said "momma, I'm so sorry" and "momma, are you going to give me away?"  Then continued to repeat, "please don't give me away."  I'm crying just writing this.  Eliana has NEVER heard those words come out of our mouths...she does not even fully understand her adoption.  This is a deep, dark wound that was left when she was given up as a baby.  I cried and just told her a thousand times over that we would NEVER leave her.  That she is 100% our girl and we are family.  I repeated our biggest family rule that "FAMILY STICKS TOGETHER."  I couldn't tell her enough how much Chris and I loved her.  The fact that she has to struggle with this makes me want to cry for days on end.  But, we are making breakthroughs.  And her counselor said this was a really good sign that she is being vulnerable.  Her heart is precious and tender.  There are moments when our little family of 3 feels like we are in a war and then other times, I feel so incredibly blessed.  This was one of those moments.  I was hurting for what just happened...but overwhelmed with the love I have for my girl.  Like I said before, I truly believe with all of my heart, God created her for us.  We will keep fighting to help her little heart heal.  We will not give up.  Please keep praying for our precious Eliana Hope...for healing for her little brain and heart.  My God is a God of restoration...and I'm so thankful He chose me to be her momma. 

Love you all,
Lindsey

How to Pray for My Wife

Today, Wednesday April 24th, is a huge day to pray for my beautiful wife Lindsey!

Today she is visiting a new doctor in Atlanta.
Here are a few ways you can pray specifically for her TODAY and in the DAYS TO COME!

1. Pray for Peace - Lyme Disease is so unbelievably mysterious and unknown that it leads to a lot of unanswered and unexplainable symptoms.  The treatment options and protocols are as varied as the fish in the sea. Pray that God will give Lindsey the gift of peace while she meets with this new team and hears all of their recommendations. Pray that God will replace the fear and anxiety with comfort and peace.

2. Pray for Wisdom - James 1:5 states that anyone who lacks wisdom should ask God...so you can join us in asking God for wisdom about what Lindsey's body needs in order to fully heal.  We don't need more opinions we simply need wisdom.We need wisdom to know which paths to walk.

3. Pray for Relief - Lindsey is easily the toughest human I've ever met. We often joke that if I felt what she felt then I'd be in the hospital whining like a baby! I have no idea how she enures these headaches, muscle aches, shooting pains and throbbing hurts. It is high time we find some relief from all of this. Pray that God will lead us to a path that arrests this pain.

4. Pray for a sense of His Presence - Walking through a disease like Lyme is incredibly isolating. Though I try, I can't fully "get" what Lindsey feels.  Since Lindsey doesn't look sick on the outside most people assume that the sickness must not be "that" bad. Compounding this is the fact that all of the fatigue and pain force Lindsey to stay home.  These factors work viciously together to create a creeping sense of loneliness. We need like never before to "feel" Jesus' presence in our daily lives. We believe that God is near - but a times we would just like to feel it more often!

5. Pray for Rest - For Lindsey the nights are the worst. I cannot imagine being utterly exhausted yet unable to sleep. (I'm out within 2 minutes of laying down.) Nearly every evening Lindsey's pain keeps her awake long into the night.  That would be the reason she named her blog "Finding God After Midnight" - because she's always up far past midnight. Once she does fall asleep Lindsey is often tormented by graphic nightmares and night sweats. Strange I know but these too are not uncommon symptoms of her disease. Her body cannot get what it so badly needs: rest. Imagine waking every morning feeling as if you pulled an all-nighter!  I can't remember the last time Lindsey woke up feeling rested. Please pray that soon she will actually begin to get restful sleep.

6. Pray for Financial Aid - We have seen God show up again and again financially in our lives. This more than any other way is how He seems to be continually saying, "I got you." It's been so exciting to see how God shows up right when we need it. The very days when we have no idea how we'll move forward seem to be the days the money just shows up! We are once again at a point where we need His provision. Lindsey's treatments are critical but super expensive. We are so incredibly thankful for all of the folks who have given to us in the past and we're trusting that God will show up once again and help us pay for this new phase of the journey.

7. Pray for Healing - Ultimately we are asking God to heal Lindsey and restore LIFE to her again! It's been so long since Lindsey has felt fully alive. It's been so long since she's felt good all day. As you know Lindsey is a power house of ministry for the Kingdom of God. She was made to be able to invest deeply in people.  She's a natural born counselor with a stunning gift of discernment. Lindsey has more compassion than anyone I've ever known. We are asking that God will set her free from this disease so that she can be free to be all that God designed her to be!

Thank you for joining us in prayer. Thank you for walking with us through these dark days. Joining us now means you will get to be that much more a part of the celebration when Lindsey is whole, healed and back in full action!

We love you guys,

Grace and Peace

Chris Wheeler

fifth time's a charm

Bless the Lord, O my soul,

and all that is within me,

bless his holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits,

who forgives all your iniquity,

who heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,

who satisfies you with good

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 103:1-5

I've heard of third time's a charm but not sure if I've ever heard of fifth time's a charm.  But, here goes!!  I haven't told a lot of people this yet, but I am headed to a doctor in Atlanta tomorrow for my ongoing battle with Chronic Lyme Disease.  I've been a little on edge...begging God for peace and strength for this next step.  The detox clinic I went to for months last year is a great, Godly clinic...but we could not continue because of the cost.  We were sinking more and more in debt and I was feeling guilty for putting us in a hole while still feeling almost exactly the same as when I began.  Lyme is a crazy disease.  It's not a one-size-fits all cure.  Something may work for one person and then make someone else deathly sick.  I have studied, read, cried, prayed and re-read over Lyme protocol after Lyme protocol on how to try and kick this disease into remission.  The part that gets to be pretty lonely is that unless you have it, it makes no sense.  Each day I experience new symptoms.  If I was to tell you how I'm feeling each day, I would sound like a crazy person.  So, most of the time, I just smile and press forward.  We spent a lot of the last three months eating ourselves healthy.  We (I mean Chris) has juiced and spent hours in Whole Foods.  He has made smoothies with ingredients we had never heard of.  And, guess what happened??  The insane inflammation in my body started to decrease.  The pain I felt every single day began to ease up a little.  We were given an incredible gift of a free week at the beach last week...and it was beautiful.  The beach has always been my favorite place on earth.  It is so healing to put my feet in the sand and just stare at the ocean.  We ate what we wanted during the beach and guess what??  I feel absolutely AWFUL.  The pain has increased to a level I haven't felt in a long time.  So, we are back on the healthy bandwagon again.

I took three months off of my Lyme treatments to see how my body responded to a change in diet (and to not spend money).  Although, we will continue the "clean" eating journey...it still didn't kill all of the spirochetes and co-infections.  A lot of the migrating pain in my body has lessened, but the pain in my head has been gradually getting worse.  For about the last 2 months, I have been experiencing (sometimes unbearable) pain in my head mostly at night.  It will come on quick and strong.  It's not a headache and I'm not sure it's even a migraine.  It's a jolt of pain over and over that makes you feel like you are getting hit over and over with a bat (hope that makes sense).  Then, after the pain disappears, the area will be so tender and painful if anything even barely touches the area.  Sweet Chris will come into the bedroom and wrap 3 different ice packs around my head...one in the front, one in the back and usually one on my neck.  I just lay there until it's over...and then thank God that it's over.  All of this was happening in conjunction with eating healthy.  Plus, the insomnia, night terrors (horrible, vivid dreams) and night sweats have returned with a vengeance.  And this is an entirely different post, but dealing with Eliana's anxiety and rage during these episodes feels like death.  All of this to say, I knew I needed help.  A few people have gone to this doctor and responded really well to the treatments.  So, I am praying for healing...believing that God is going to use this doctor to bring more hope and life into my body.  

I would love your prayers Wednesday morning at 8:00 a.m...that is when my appointment begins and it will last a lot of the day.  Pray for me as I drive to Atlanta by myself.  I haven't driven by myself long distance in a very long time.  Pray for me to be alert (because of my intense fatigue) and that I won't have a headache issue while I'm driving.  Pray for wisdom for this doctor...and for the treatment plan to be doable.  Please pray for Eliana to be at peace while I'm gone for a day and a half.  She is not very good at transitions...and for REMISSION and HEALING!!  And lastly, pray for continued provision for my appointments and treatments.  Thank you so much friends.  I just keep reading and re-reading Psalm 103.  My God is bigger than this stupid disease and He knows what I need.  

Love you all,

Lindsey

P.S.  We went to see our friend Annie Downs last night and her small group of girls prayed over me!  It was such a sweet moment.  Thankful Chris took a picture without me knowing. :)

Also, a new Give Forward page has been opened, if you want to give towards my medical expenses, click the link below:

                                       GIVE FOWARD: Lindsey Fights Lyme

our favorite place on earth

my fountain dancing child

Chris and I knew very quickly that we were raising a little spitfire of a girl..."a fountain dancing child."  We didn't/don't want to crush her spirit...her wild, independent, crazy, unique, hilarious, one-of-a kind spirit.  So thankful that my friend Stephanie posted this on my fb wall tonight.  We made a decision a long time ago to do everything humanly possible to "not sweat the small stuff" (some of the small stuff is big).  We have run many sprints in parking lots, Target, the neighborhood to keep up with her fast little self.  We do things differently here in the Wheeler casa...and sometimes that has left me feeling like I am doing something wrong.  She doesn't sit still, she speaks her mind, she makes jokes, she is sensitive to the core, she only wants to wear one pair of pajamas, she doesn't want anyone to feel alone, and she doesn't mind wrecking a house in 2 minutes flat.  I love her so much for all of those reasons.  Chris and I believe that God has a huge story for our sweet girl.  She is fighting through some crazy things that no 5 year old should have to go through.  But, I am so proud of her.  I am proud that she is my daughter...and I'm not afraid to jump in the fountain with her.  Chris and I are about to print this blog, laminate it, and put it everywhere in our house.  Love you all.

_____________________________

I don’t want to raise a good child

written by Lysa TerKeurst

My daughter, Hope, is a senior this year.  And she decided her senior year should be adventurous and a little out of the “normal” box.  A lot out of the box actually. 

She withdrew from traditional school.  Applied with the state to homeschool. Enrolled in on-line college courses that would allow her to get both high school and college credit simultaneously. And planned to spend the month of January serving in Nicaragua doing missions.

This didn’t surprise me really.  Because Hope has always liked charting her own course.

When she was really little I was scared to death I was the world’s worst mom, because Hope was never one to be contained.  And I honestly thought all her extra tenacity was a sign of my poor mothering.

One day I took her to the mall to meet several of my friends with toddlers to grab lunch.  All of their kids sat quietly eating cheerios in their strollers.  They shined their halos and quoted Bible verses and used tissues to wipe their snot.

Not Hope.

She was infuriated by my insistence she stay in her stroller.  So, when I turned away for a split second to place our lunch order, she wiggled free.  She stripped off all her clothes.  She ran across the food court.  And jumped in the fountain in the center of the mall.

Really nothing makes the mother of a toddler feel more incapable than seeing her naked child splashing in the mall fountain.  Except maybe that toddler refusing to get out and said mother having to also get into the fountain.

I cried all the way home.

Not because of what she’d done that day.  But rather because of how she was everyday.   So determined.  So independent.  So insistent.

I would beg God to show me how to raise a good child. One that stayed in her stroller.  One that other people would comment about how wonderfully behaved she was.  One that made me look good.

But God seemed so slow to answer those prayers.  So, over the years, I changed my prayer.  ”God help me to raise Hope to be who you want her to be.”  Emphasis on, “God HELP ME!”

I think I changed my prayers for her because God started to change my heart.  I started sensing He had a different plan in mind for my mothering of Hope.

Maybe God’s goal wasn’t for me to raise a good rule following child.  God’s goal was for me to raise a God-following adult.  An adult just determined and independent and insistent enough to fulfill a purpose He had in mind all along.

I don’t know what mama needs to hear this today.  But let me encourage you from the bottom of my heart with 3 simple mothering perspectives you must hang on to:
1.  Don’t take too much credit for their good.
2.  Don’t take too much credit for their bad.
3.  Don’t try to raise a good child.  Raise a God-following adult.

And all the mamas of fountain dancing children said, “Amen!”

one year ago

You were reaching through the storm
Walking on the water
Even when I could not see
In the middle of it all
When I thought You were a thousand miles away
Not for a moment did You forsake me

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me

(Meredith Andrews- Not for a Moment) http://www.meredithandrews.com

-----------------------------------------

So, it is almost 3 in the morning and I can't sleep.  This time last year, we would have still been doing everything we could to calm our sweet girl and get her to sleep.  It still surprises me that we made it through the nights of not going to sleep until 5 or 6 a.m. regularly.  My mind has been racing tonight about all that has happened in one year.  This weekend last year was when I went to Little Rock by myself to spend time with my family (they ran the 10K in Little Rock for my Lyme disease)...and I laid in bed sobbing.  I cried pretty much that entire weekend.  I remember walking in and seeing mom and Leah and just losing it...then repeated that when I saw Lauren.  Weeks and weeks of no sleep will do that to a person.  I cried for what Chris and I were going though with Eliana.  I cried over not being able to "fix" my sweet girl.  I cried because I had to be so strong at home.  I cried because "why in the world would I have lyme disease" on top of everything else.  I cried because my house was a complete disaster.  I just longed for some sense of normalcy and we were nowhere near that.  My family just listened and cried and honestly, I have a terrible memory and don't remember everything.  They told me later that they were all worried I was headed for a complete nervous breakdown.  I think I was.  And that's when God showed up in a miraculous way.  It didn't feel miraculous at the time.  I'm pretty sure I shouted "really God" or "you've got to be kidding me"?!!!  I got the call from Eliana's school in Little Rock that Eliana was being taken by an ambulance to the hospital having multiple seizures.  My baby was having seizures and I was 6 hours away.  I don't remember a lot of the drive to the hospital, but I made it before she woke up.  I walked in and saw her tiny body covered in wires and attached to machines.  We spent that week telling and re-telling our story.  It was then that the doctors finally understood what we were saying about her mania and no sleep.  They were shocked that we had lived this for so long...that she could fight sleep they way she did.  They were surprised by her strength during rages and her terror of the night.  They finally listened to us...we had been telling doctors for a long time and they got to witness it.  Even now, I just sigh remembering the relief of someone telling us "we don't know how you've been doing this every night."  A few powerful medicines later and Eliana was beginning to sleep through the night.  Miracle.  Thank you Jesus.  This was the beginning of her healing journey...I really believe it.

It's been one year.  One year of crying out to God on Eliana's behalf...praying for more miracles, for healing of the trauma she obviously experienced as a baby.  There are moments where I forget all that He has done...but tonight I know without a shadow of a doubt that He has NEVER forsaken us.  He has been with us every single step of this journey and He won't leave us.  He loves Eliana way more than we ever could.  He rescued her from who even knows (and I'm not sure I want to know)...and made her a Wheeler.  She is ours in every way...and we love everything about her.  We will continue to fight for her...to beg doctors to understand her...to make sure she feels safe and loved.  In one year, we've come a long way and I don't want to forget that.  We have a long way to go, but I'm praising God tonight that He is with us.  Thank you friends for loving us, for giving to us, and for praying for us.  We still need it desperately. It's been a really rough few weeks, but I feel hope tonight just thanking God for this last year.  Love you so much.

Lindsey