anxiety= no fun at all

       Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.
                                                                                                     Charles Spurgeon

How do you explain this quote to a 5 year old?! We've had a lot of anxiety around our house in the last few days...a LOT!!  I've found myself on the edge all day and can't sleep from a racing mind.  So, it is clear to me that Eliana's anxiety has rubbed off on me.  I'm pleading with God tonight for peace...for strength for a new day.  I'm worn out and just feel like sobbing.  One of my least favorite things in the world is watching my precious girl (who is perfect in every way) drowning in fear, anxiety and panic.  Then, those scary little words lead her into unexplained rage.  It's nights like tonight where I would give anything to go back to the day she was born and rock her/sing to her/make her feel safe until she turned one (when I moved to Guatemala to be with her).  Instead, I am trying to trust the Lord that this has always been His plan for our little girl.  I could go into details, but none are really needed. She just needs prayer.  There is still a lot of good going on in her little heart and soul...and I am so thankful for that.  She's talking up a storm, making us laugh, and doing really well in her pre-K class.  Praise God for that!!  I am just one exhausted, Lyme-disease fighting momma who longs for her baby girl to feel safe.  I blew out my candles on my cake yesterday (yes, it was two days late because of her anxiety) and prayed for a year of miracles for my Eliana and for me. 

Much love,

Lindsey

Happy 33rd - We're Gonna Make It!

“We’re Gonna Make It”

This is what Lindsey and I say back and forth to each other every day – sometimes multiple times a day. It’s our way of holding on to hope for one another. The truth is we ARE gonna make and we are MAKING it – by the Grace of God. Today is Lindsey’s Birthday. It’s time to give Glory to God for my wife’s incredible life! With all my heart I want her to feel celebrated. I want her to feel the respect and admiration we (her friends and family) have for her.

Most folks have no idea how TOUGH she truly is. Though she may not look sick, you need to know she is…big time. There are days that just getting out of bed is major triumph. Lindsey is such a trooper. In short, Lindsey Erin Wheeler is brave. Lyme disease is a wicked concoction. Exhaustion and pain are such weak words to describe her symptoms. Imagine never ever feeling rested. Imagine walking through each day as if you’d just pulled a week of all-nighters. Imagine aching all over as if you have the burn of arthritis in every joint. Imagine your skin crawling with tingling sensations that are un-itch-able. I literally don’t know how she does it. I don’t know how she keeps pushing forward.

Lately she’s been enduring some incredibly intense detox sessions to counteract her Lyme disease. Just the descriptions of these detox routines would make your toes curl. She endures potions, salves, soaks, supplements, hyperbaric chambers, oxygen treatments, nutritional i.v.s, saunas, and so much more.  While undergoing these procedures she’s actively listening to those around her at the facility looking for ways to encourage and share hope with them! Are you kidding me? She’s ministering to those around her while gagging down medicine! What!

On top of battling Lyme every day – Lindsey is one amazing Momma. She pushes through the pain and exhaustion in order to invest in our girl. Most folks in her position would end up hiring full time help just in order to rest. Instead, Lindsey has made the heroic choice to stay home with Eliana in order to continue to create felt safety and security in our little girls’ soul. Lindsey plays endless silly games of dress up, tea parties, store, cooking and art projects with Eliana. When I come home each day I marvel at the hilarious conversations they’ve had throughout day. Lindsey is so good with Eliana. Lindsey is unbelievably patient.

Lately Lindsey has been deeply stirred that despite all of this we need to be grateful. She read “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp and took it to heart. Lindsey has continually been pointing out all that God has done and is doing for us in the midst of the pain, stress and strain. If I felt what she felt I’d be the biggest whiner on the planet - you’d never hear the end of it.

Lindsey is a model to us all of forgiveness, endurance, long-suffering, patience and sufficient grace.

Lindsey is a powerhouse.

I’m so incredibly proud of her.

If you see her out and about be sure to tell her how brave you think she is!

I love you with all my heart Lindsey,

- Chris

lindsey's birthday

As many of you know Lindsey is in the battle of her life for her life. She is in near constant pain and discomfort. The word "fatigue" seems so inadequate to express the amount of exhaustion she feels. Her lyme disease and co-infections have almost crushed her poor body. In addition Lindsey continues to be an amazing Momma to Eliana and patient wife to me. Lindsey is now bravely enduring an extremely intensive detox program. This regime is designed to pull or even force lyme toxins from her system. Once a week she is undergoing nutritional IVs, hyperbaric chambers, lymphatic beds, pure oxygen breathing treatments, 140 degree saunas, and over 25 unique supplements designed to flush toxins out of her body. These sessions last 4-7 hours at a time. I can't tell you how proud I am of her. (Just the smell of these supplements makes me nauseous - let alone swallow them.) I am trusting and believing that God is going to use this detoxification / cleansing program as the next significant step in her healing journey.
We are so thankful for all that God provided recently through our other Give Forward page. It feels a bit awkward to talk about money again but the truth is these 4-7 hour sessions cost about $800-$1,000 a piece. I love my job and I'm so thankful for the incredible opportunity to work at Show Hope. It's a perfect fit for our family. At this point however I can't take on any additional work (speaking gigs etc.) because it would mean more time away from Eliana - she really needs me home right now. Throughout this journey God has continually provided for the financial burdens of the medical expenses for Lindsey and Eliana through the generosity of folks around us. We're now asking God to do it again. To send people like you to help us find healing for Lindsey.

Just to make the giving interesting I thought I'd break down Lindsey's detox sessions into what I like to call "Dollars for Detox."

5 cents = 1 second of detox
$1 = 20 seconds of detox
$3 = 1 minute of detox
$180 = 1 hour of detox
$720 = 1 session of detox
$2,160= 1 month of detox
$25,920= 1 year of detox (this will at least last one year)

Her birthday is FRIDAY, August 24th.  In honor of her birthday, click here to contribute to her Lyme detox program. Spread the word.

www.giveforward.com/dollarsfordetox

Thanks friends,
Chris

Love this girl

eliana's county fair

Eliana is 5 years old!! I still can't believe that she is five. There are so many things that I love about this girl.  She is so full of life and spunk.  She is passionate about the things she loves...animals, pajamas, orange juice, her family, and dressing up.  Chris and I are so proud of the progress she is making in conquering so many of her fears.  We are so proud to be her parents!

an onion on steroids

My close friends and family know how much I despise onions.  I have tried to like them.  People will tell me, "you can't even taste it...it is finely chopped up."  Um, yes...I can taste it.  There is something about an onion that terrifies me.  I have no idea what it is.  I have always said that the worst punishment someone could give me would be to eat an entire one.  I know this sounds dramatic, but I can gag just thinking about them.  But, I feel like my new experience at the detox clinic can most be represented by this food I detest so much.  We are trying to get to the heart of things...to the root issues of my health problems.  This week a few layers of the onion have been peeled back.   

On Monday, I went to the new detox clinic (not the kind of detox you are thinking).  There is so much that went on.  I was there 7.5 hours...a new record for my Lyme appointments.  The staff was unbelievable.  I immediately connected with each of them, especially the head of the clinic.  This is going to sound absolutely insane, but about 2 minutes into talking to me...she had a word from God to give to me.  I think I can count on 2 fingers how many times someone has had a "word" from the Lord to me.  But, this was crazy.  She spoke into places of my life that she had no idea were going on.  She also shared that this does not happen often.  I just kind of sat there stunned.  I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  One layer of the "onion" had been peeled back immediately. 

The next few hours were filled with really amazing nurses coming in and out of the room making sure that my IV was okay (my first experience with IV therapy)...and to hand me a lot of different concoctions.  I gagged a few of them down.  Each time I swallowed, I would try to thank God that this nastiness is what He is using to make me better.  I've been reading 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp...and the timing couldn't be more perfect.  There is going to be a lot of pain in this experience, but the more pain the better...it means it is killing this awful disease and a few other things as well.  They found out that I am also suffering with 2 co-infections of Lyme and another virus that is very similar to Mono.  Plus, my heart has been suffering too.  I had been experiencing crazy heart palpitations periodically, so it was so good to know that they are going to be targeting all of this.  They want to create balance in my body by ridding me of the diseases, virus, parasite, and other toxicities.  They actually create formulas for each person individually.  The girl told me mine was one of the worst concoctions she has mixed up in a long time.  I told my mom today that it is like "an onion on steroids."  It takes every bit of mental focus and tons of prayer to swallow all of it twice a day without throwing it back up.  You can smell it a mile away.  I promise...I'm not making this up. I can't believe there is something worse to swallow than an onion. Again, we are getting to the root of my issues. 

Did I say this was going to be painful?!  Today, I am hurting...every inch of my arms and legs.  But, thank you Lord that I have arms and legs...and that this pain means that the medicine is working.  I was reminded over and over again in the clinic that this is a LONG process...I will not feel better overnight.  People fly from all over the country to come to this clinic and it's 15 minutes from me.  I'm so thankful.  Please be praying for me as I begin this new part of my journey.  I am going to need crazy strength, patience with sweet Eliana, focus and rest. Also, thank you for all that gave on our "Give 20" campaign...I am still blown away.  Please be praying for more miracles in provision because these treatments are unbelievably costly.  But, it is to get my life back!!   Love you all...know that I am still praying after midnight.  Also, I will be spending hours each week at the clinic and would love to keep praying for y'all, so send me any requests. 

Lindsey

after the wedding dance

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief."  
Proverbs 14:13

 I'm pretty sure we had one of the most precious moments with our daughter ever tonight.  All afternoon, she pranced around our house in a pretend wedding dress that our neighbor gave us.  She loved talking about Gran-D's wedding (my grandmother that got married last week)...and then started talking about wanting to dance with Dada.  She was so excited to wait on the driveway for Chris to get home.  The second he drove up, she ran to him in her little wedding dress and asked him to put on his wedding suit and dance with her.  If you know Chris, you know that he jumped at the opportunity (his suit has been worn less than 10 times and he loves his baby girl).  He dressed up...she grabbed some fake flowers and stuffed them in his coat pocket like a boutonniere...and headed to the backyard.  I turned on music and they danced.  All I could think about was how amazingly blessed she is to have Chris as her daddy.  No one but me knows how much he sacrifices and gives to us on a daily basis.  Ya'll would be blown away.  He loves her with a crazy, fierce love and would do anything for her.  He is what a daddy is supposed to be like.  

But, like most of our precious Eliana's days...her little brain went into a panic mode about 15 minutes after this special moment.  We aren't really even sure what started it...we hardly ever do.  You should just know that she lost it in every sense of the word.  The intense rages have been coming back...and it is not her fault.  Something isn't clicking right in her brain or her meds are wearing off too soon.  I can't explain the helplessness we feel when she is this out of control.  Tonight, we have been desperate for the Lord to heal her little body.  Emails have been sent to the doctor...and prayers have been said.  Chris and I just stared at each other, and all I could do was repeat this verse out loud.  I may be declaring it our theme verse for our family.  "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief."  This is our life right now.  There are moments we laugh our heads off at our funny girl, and there are moments I am crying hysterically in bed over my chronic illness.  There are days we can all do something together as a family with no anxiety...and then there are days she only can handle being around one of us.  There are moments I can get the energy up to go to Target...and then there are days I can't get out of bed.  I am so thankful for this glimpse of our precious girl tonight, but I ache over wanting her to feel whole.  I know the Lord knows it all...and that brings a lot of peace tonight.  Love you friends.